I'm searching for something...

I'm searching for something... // -->

Monday, September 29

Sometimes just felt as if i am the only can on the rock. And then the sky just look especially gloomy. Nothing left. Probably just the sound of the wind. And when a bird pass by, you felt as if it's mocking at you. That's when you felt as if the whole world had left. Do you feel as if you're the can?

There's something unusual that happen to me today. I tried to smile, and i found that it wasn't as difficult as before. Lols. Probably the happiness i had on saturday still dwell in me. It's the first time i felt like this. I really am looking forward to the next event like on saturday. A day full of smiles, full of laughter, pratically everybody is happy. And i told many that, "Camera is probably one of the best invention in the world." It capture and lock the precious moment that wouldn't last. And when the person's gone, you still have the picture of her so that you won't forget how she looks like. But maybe, video camera would be better.

Start of a brand new week. All the best to those taking exams next week. May all have a smooth and enjoyable week ahead. Nite.

Heli Dont ask me why 10:54 PM

Sunday, September 28

Haha.. what a day.. nothing can describe how i am feeling now. I am smiling away. hehe...

A day of lots of happiness whirling around me. Everywhere i go, i smiled. And its a smile that had been hidden for a long long time. Actually, to be truthful, i am too overjoyed to say anything now. When i looked at my awards, was very glad that i didn't give up back then. There a lot of people i want to thank..

To Fey: You guys really are great. Have a lot of fun talking, taking pictures and playing tonight. Finally, the whole fey manage to go out together. It was a wonderful time right? Hope we will have more of these outings after our exams. As for now, really study hard for whatever that is coming up. Cass, don't keep thinking about retaining. There are so many of us here to help you. Jia you. To the rest, study real hard for the exams. fey rules~!! =)

To my npcc cadets: hey.. thanks so much for all the cheerings. All of you are a wonderful group of cadets. Actually on the passing out parade day, was very sad about it. Coz.. i am going to leave all of you. But you guys are great. When we cheered especially, i was extremely proud of our unit. Xinmin npcc cadets, you got a long long way to go. All the way champions!

To Ms Tan: Thank you so much for the flowers. Was really shock to receive it. I think, you really make my day. Thank you so much for everything. That moment, i will always remember it forever. I kept saying thanks, because i kept thinking about it. And that whenever i think of it, i will smile! haha.. xie xie ni. zhen de hao gan dong. wo yong yuan dou hui ji de zhe yi ke de. xie xie ni. =)

[Actually got other ppl to thank.. but i too tired.. shall continue de.. hehe.. "to be continued..." and.. pics coming up.. ]

Feeling tired. But i am trying to stay awake. I know that once i sleep and wake, this moment would vanish forever. How i wish today will last longer than other day. How i wish this moment will stay forever. But even if it stays forever, the happiness will burn out eventually. Happiness doesn't last. But i am glad i cherished mine today. Did you?

Heli Dont ask me why 1:15 AM

Saturday, September 27

In this world, where so many millions and millions of us lived in, all of us have different aspects on life. Some of us thinks that life is wonderful. But some of us beg to differ. Life is a torture. What do you think?

Memories are often what we can only have in life. Happiness doesn't last. Sadness can't dwell forever. Failng is definitely not the "in" thing in our society today. The world only accpsts winner but not loser. Society has tend towards a situation where getting is becoming the aim.

(Actually.. i am stuck at this entry for long. Too tired to post anything. But one thing to share would be...)

"when even one small pebble hits the water, everything is forever changed, the water level rises and the ripples of energy go out endlessly onto the shores and beyond. To every cause there will be a result."

Lastly, this song by Kit Chan - Tian Leng Jiu Hui Lai. Nice time listening. Enjoy.

Heli Dont ask me why 1:10 AM

Wednesday, September 24

actually do not know what to post after posting such saddening entries. but anyway, hope you enjoy today's entry.

"At times life is hard, as hard as crucible steel. It has its bleak and painful moments. Like the ever-flowing water in a river, life has its moments of drought and its moments of flood. Like the ever changing cycles of the seasons, life has the soothing warmth of the summers and the piercing chill of its winters... But we are able to lift ourselves from the fatigue of despair to the buoyancy of hope and transform dark and desolate valleys into sunlit paths of inner peace. "

I guess it's not too difficult to understand. You know sometimes when people shared with me their problems, i was thinking why.. why are there so many problems.. if i were to ask you now, would you not like to have any problems, i am sure you would. Let me share with you something. An instructor was telling the people that each day while going to work he would pass a place where all the people "residing" there do not have any problems at all. And he asked if anyone would like to join these people. If you are asked, what would your answer be? It is a place where there's absolutely no problems at all, no food problem, no work problem, no nothing at all. Would you want to go?

And this place is the cemetery. And all the people are dead. Pain, problem and sufferings are an unpleasant but necessary part of being alive. It is the price we pay for being alive. Only dead people don't feel pain or suffering or have any problem. Actually, the more problems you have, the more alive you will get. Whether we like it or not, every human experiences pain, problem and suffering. The fact that they exist would indicate that they definitely have a role to play in our lives. No doubt they maybe a bit bitter - after all not all good medicines are sweet.

Anyway, bet most of you would never be able to shift away from the never-ending problems. But what i hope to say is, a lot of problems in life we will have to face de. Like mine, i just got to face it earlier. And i am still facing it each day. To some of you, you consider me brave. And so, i am facing it bravely. I hope whatever circumstances you are in now, face up to it. Anyway, to end off.. whatever that happens to us is always good for us. =)

Heli Dont ask me why 11:44 PM

Tuesday, September 23

"dang ni jue de mei you ren guan xin ni.. huo gan jue dao zhe ge shi jie bian de yin an de shi hou.. qian wan bu ke yi fang qi. qi shi you hen duo shi qing shi ni kan bu dao de. she me shi dou yao wang hao de fang mian xiang. man man de ni hui fa xian shi qing mei ni xiang xiang de na me zao. ru guo zai ye mei you ren guan xin ni de hua.. bie dan xin.. ying wei hai you wo. "

thanks for the words. thanks for everyone that commented in my blog. whether a not you commented, or talk to me in school, i just want to say, wo hen gan dong. thanks for reassuring me that there's something behind me for me to fall back on when i am weak.

It's a tough battle. But then again, i will not give up easily. especially when i have circle of such great friends around. I would take it as a sickness ba. Once or twice, i will be down with it, but after a while, i will be alright. No fear. Life is so long. I will stumble once or twice.. but i shall not stay there forever. Other than pick myself up, there's no way. just let me fall, i will pick myself up. Just like the thousand five race.. i will fall.. but i will stand up and run.. stand up and run.. =)

Heli Dont ask me why 6:51 PM

Sunday, September 21

Hao nang guo de yi tian

da jia hao.. wo zhi dao wo you yao xie yi xie fei chang cheng mo.. fei chang shang bei de shi.. dang lu guo wo bu shuo chu lai, kong pa wo zhen de zhen de hui beng kui.. wo ye bu zhi dao wo dao di yao shuo xie she me.. wo zhi zhi dao wo the xing hao sui.. heng cheng zhong.. hao xiang zao ren ban wo bei.. ying wei shi zai tai zong le.. wo kuai chuan bu guo qi lai le.. lu tu hao chang.. wo dao di you mei you zou dao.. hai shi wo yi zhi dou zai zhe ge zhan.. zhi neng mo mo de kan zhe da jia zai wo yan qian zou guo.. yu dou ting le.. tian dou liang le.. da jia dou zou le.. wo hai shi fang bu xia.. wo ke wang yi qian de ta.. wo zhen de hao xiang jian dao ta.. wo ye bu zhi dao zui jing zhe me le.. hai shi wo yi zhi yi lai dou shi zhe ge yang zi.. wo zhen de hao xiang kan ta, ting ta shuo hua.. hao jiu mei you ting dao ta ma wo de shen ying le.. hao jiu mei you chi ta zhu de cai.. ...

jing tian ba ba nong li wu shi shui shen re.. qi shi shi yao ran wai gong wai puo kang yi xia ta.. dang mei ge ren lai shi.. wo tu ran zhi jian hao xiang li kai zhe ge jia.. wo bu xiang kan dao ren he ren.. shui dou bu xiang.. hao xiang tu ran lai de hen chou.. wo tao yan ta meng.. wo hao xiang tao yan ta meng.. dan tao yan yi ge ren shi duo muo de xing ku.. ta shi wo ba ba.. wo zhe me ren xing qu tao yan ta.. dang wo zhen de bu neng jie shou ta.. dang wo kang dao ta men liang zai yi qi, shui ran he wo ken beng mei you kuan xi, dan wo zhen de hao shen qi.. hao xiang chai shan ta meng.. wo hen wo ba ba wei she me zhe yang dui dai wo ma.. wo huai yi ta shi bu shi zhao yi zhi dao yu ren shi zhe ge nu de.. wo huai yi ba ba ma ma shi bu shi zao yi zhi dao ma ma yao qu shi de shi qing.. zhe me duo de yi wen.. wo keng beng dou bu shi dao xiang shui shuo.. wo hao xiang da sheng de gu chu lai dan wo ban bu dao..

wo zhi dao da jia dou xi wan wo zhen de hui yong gan de zhang qi lai.. hui zheng zhuo.. dan wo hen dui bu qi ni meng.. yi chi you yi chi de dao xia lai.. yi chi you yi chi de lin ni meng shi wang yu nang guo.. wo ye bu zhi dao yao zhe me qu zhen jiu wo zhe ge wen ti.. hua xu wo yi bei zhi dou bu neng gou gai bien.. zhe beng lai jiu shi yi ge bu neng gai bien e yi zin ding xia lai de chang ku lu shi.. da jia dou yi wei wo hen yong gang.. wo zhen de na me yong gang ma.. qing bu yao dui wo zhen ge lang ni bao zhe me duo de xi wang.. wo jiu hao xiang zhen de zai yi chang sai pao zhong.. wo hao xiang pao.. dan wo zhe me ye pao bu dong.. wo de shen ming jiu hao xiang lai le yi ge zhan ting.. wo hao xiang an jing de zou kai.. jiu an jing de zou kai..

ma.. wo yao yuan de zhu fu ni.. bu lun ni zai na.. dang ni kan dao wo wei ni e liu lei shi.. jiu ran wo de lei liu xia ba.. dang ni li kai wo de na yi tian, wo de shen ming hao xiang bei qie duan le.. qing bu yao shan xing.. qing bu yao dang xing.. wo hui kong zhi wo ai ji.. zhi shao ni neng kang dao wo de yi ju yi dong.. qing ni yi ding yao zhao gu zi ji.. wo hui hen xiang ni de..

wo shuo shuo de jiu shi zhe xie.. dui bu qi.. wo de ren jiu shi zhe yang.. huo xu wo bu dong she me dao di shi biao da chu yi ge ren de kuai le.. dui bu qi.. wo you shan le ni meng de xing... dui bu qi..

Heli Dont ask me why 10:42 PM

Saturday, September 20

You know, i thought of so many other alternatives to visual her.. and i caught sight of something which i didn't know today. Dad was watching the vcd taped in the past. And i caught sight of her inside. Suddenly, to me she was so real... she was smiling, talking... moving about.. so alive..

suddenly don't know what to write here either. i typed alot before this, but decided to delete them away. there are certain things i don't have the courage to post it here. i am afraid that you guys will feel unhappy.. =/

".. ni zai na li.. dang wo kang dao ni shi.. ni zhi dao wo you duo muo de xiang ni ma.. ni ke neng kan dao wo.. dang wo shui dou kan bu dao.. wo hao xiang kan ni.. wo de yao qiu zhi shi na me jian dang.. wo zhi qiu jian ni yi mian.. jiu zhe me jian dang.. "

I have just your memories.. and it is definitely not enough for me.. but this is the way it has to be..
tian li he zai..... wo xiang ta xiang dao kuai yao beng kui le....

Heli Dont ask me why 11:19 PM

Thursday, September 18

Saw the falling star? That's me. I heard you. And i am on my way. Wait for me will you?

My wish.

My wish. yes, my wish. Can you guess? probably not a very general one.. but this wish is for now. (silently uttered) This wish is meant for everyone.. regardless of what you have encountered.. anything. Can you hear it?

Mr Then: After i dropped at your house bustop yesterday, i didn't take a bus. I walked all the way to the house. While walking, i tried to think of what should i say to you. In the end, i said none. And the reason is, you would probably know what more better to say to yourself than me. But the reason i am dropping this message here ( and i hope you are reading ) is to tell you this three words... "never give up". You are not alone.

Ms Chan: Don't think you will come online to read my blog. But just in case when i shout out your name, something, somehow you will be directed here. Actually, the game it's just starting. What you had experienced was just a rehearsal. There's still time and make use of every seconds. Don't be too disheartened, it's not over. If there's anything i can help, just call out for my name. Cheers.

Ms Tan: You are not wuliao. Actually i am glad you sat beside me in the morning for these two days. Sometimes when i talked to you, i kept thinking of what to say. I don't know if i am directing you the right way or not. Actually how i wished i have the ability to read thru's ppl mind. And one of the first person i would want to know, is you. I really want to know what's going on in your mind. Though you said you understand, but let me tell you, i am worried.

Ms Tan: I see you as a lighthouse leading the little boats out at night you know. And i guess lately, you are probably very tired. Among all the boats out there, there is this tweeny little boat losing its way. You are afraid you might lose sight of this boat. I think somethings had make this boat of yours to drift further and further away. But i guess it won't. I called it an inituition of mine. You are tired, and you should take a break. No matter where the boat drift to, i'm sure.. very sure you would be the only lighthouse it would ever need.

Ms Ng: After talking so much, what about you? Don't know what to type anymore? I guess you are too involved. Too many things want to get involve with you around.. or is it you want to get involve in a lot of things? Have you again leave marks in their life? Or was it washed away by the big waves? I can only ask you questions and questions. But i leave no answers. No answers.

For all of you:

Little Star

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are?
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.

When the blazing sun is gone,
When he nothing shines upon,
Then you show your little light,
Twinkle, twinkle, all the night.

Then the traveller in the dark,
Thanks you for your tiny spark,
He could not see which way to go,
If you did not twinkle so.

In the dark blue sky you keep,
And often thro' my curtains peep,
For you never shut your eye,
Till the sun is in the sky.

'Tis your bright and tiny spark,
Lights the traveller in the dark:
Tho' I know not what you are,
Twinkle, twinkle, little star.

Can you hear the wish i uttered?

Heli Dont ask me why 6:43 PM

Tuesday, September 16

To the person i talked to in the morning:

Actually don't even know what i was talking. Don't know if you can feel the loss-for-words building within me. I know and i promise someone that i am going to create a miracle today. And i just want to say something.. something that can wake you up from this nightmare of yours. I don't even remember what i told you simply because i think what i said are not what i want to say. Girl.. do you know i panic while talking today? unbelievable?

When one started their journey, he is totally strange and new to this world. It's our dad and our mum whom lead us through the primary lane. Now that you are more of used to be with friends.. with the outside world, and no longer relying totally on your parents.. you want to be alone? Already there's a risk of falling even when there are friends.. what about no friends? You know there are people out there wanting to meet with some troubles so that they can have a taste of falling into his or her arms of friends? It's impossible to live in this world with total loneliness. By the way, do you think you will be happy? Moreover.. your life don't belong to you too. Your life has been shared among your close ones.. when you're sad, they will be sad too. When you are happy, they rejoiced too. You said this too that to cherish everyone around us. Then may i ask, are you doing it?

Girl.. if you choose to take a chance, you will have the taste of sour, sweet, bitter and spicy. However, if you choose to be lonely, you have nothing but sadness. The road out there is dark. Do you wish to walk alone?

As for your studies.. teachers are not there to retain students. And you are not facing this alone. So many other peers out there are going through the examinations. If everyone is to think that, "hey.. i think i will retain.." then there wouldn't be any sec4s next year. Don't have to worry and think too much. Right now what's important is to really really sit down and revise whatever you can. Anything you don't know, ask. There are teachers to help you.. there are seniors to help you.. so many around waiting to be asked. It's good that at least you are concern about whether you will make it a not.. but overly concern is unhealthy. Wasting time. Why not use the time to study rather than thinking of what will happen and scaring yourself? Don't fear. Face all these with might and magic.

This song specially for you and also to the others. I hope i don't sound too harsh. Friends played an important role in life. My purpose is not to let you read and then you will feel guilty. You should be wide awake, and ready to take one big step behind to grab all of your friends back on boat and ready to set off. By feeling down, by feeling sorry, it will defeat my purpose. You are not wrong. But just that, you are probably not right.

Peng you ben lai jiu shi yi ge hen zhen gui de li wu. Hao hao zhen xi ta. Yong zhen chen lai mian dui ta men. Dan ni bu kai xing shi, bu yao zhuan kai xin. Qi ta ren kan bu chu, wo hui yao kan de chu. Ni bu kai xing, wo ye bu kai xing.

Listen and i wish you all happy always.

I don't really know what is going wrong and around you. The picture in my mind was just bits of here and there.. i yearned that one day.. the picture will be completed.. i am still waiting..

..shui neng gou.. li kai hao peng you.. mei you gan shan..

Heli Dont ask me why 3:03 PM

Monday, September 15

" ...class 4E3.. register no. 12 ..."

lols. Extremely lucky today to be called upon. -__-"' and i really wondered how many of you are down there laughing your heads off when you see me standing up. Was kind of embarassed anyway.. chucks.. but nvm.. first day of school.. some kind of a start. lols.

Hm.. ms ong talked to us today about our studies. Bah. Felt like knowing my results asap.. but at the same time, don't wish to know or do anything about it. But it will be really foolish if i decide to give up now. After all, its only about less than 70 days before everything is going to be over. I think what is most pragmatic.. what we should be doing now is to study hard for whatever exams you are taking.. don't keep thinking what is going to happen.. in the end you are wasting your own time only. arh.. don't have time to continue.. =X

Heli Dont ask me why 11:04 PM

Sunday, September 14

Church

"..god bless you.." one particular lady said to me this when i was making my way to the auditorium today. She stretched out her hands and surprisingly, i went to shook hers too. For a moment, i was stunned. The songs that we sung today were nice.. like the lyrics. Today, we have another guy from don't know where to preach us. Was sleeping and waking the whole service. Well, and then coincidentally, that guy said this..

"When people said, "God bless you", it means to give the ability to produce well-being in every area of life."

I think i have learnt to talk to God about my stuffs. And i think, he heard them all. And then, everytime after the altar call, i would ask myself when can i be one.. when can i really read the bible without waiting for my dad to leave the house.. or lock the door and read it secretly.. i just don't like the guilt feeling. Yet at the same time, i don't want to miss Him.

School starts to tomorrow again. I know right now many of the people around me are facing some problems.. this and that.. whatever it is, whoever you are.. i hope when you read this, you will remember that, ".. there's someone out there willing to help me.." not that i can help in anything, everything.. i know certain things are beyond my and your means.. what i can do is.. listen. Whoever out there, did you hear me?

Just plain listening, no judging, no nothing... and i am still listening...

Heli Dont ask me why 11:18 PM

Forgive.. but i shall not forget..

I guess i am pretty affected by that sentence of yours today. It hurts. I turned away immediately and i don't want to care. Forget it. Hope you are okay now. Hope you know i am talking about you. =/

It's good to keep certain things to one self's. At least that's what i think. I don't like and i won't want to share everything, just anything, anymore... I would probably sound like a weakling then.. let me be strong always.. i don't want to be weak.. never..

Heli Dont ask me why 12:13 AM

Thursday, September 11

I just talked to this particular person. She's younger than me.. though not very much younger, but i guess.. i am actually just any other small piece of rock lying on the shore.. i felt so insignificant all of a sudden. And that those hurdles that i thought was so big.. are actually nothing. And it reinforces me that.. my life has come to a standstill. Everyday standing among the crowds.. each and everyone of you just passing by me.. all of you seems so busy, moving towards your next destination.. and me... i am still standing. And then the very next thing is, i lost sight of all of you.

Heli Dont ask me why 11:09 PM

Wednesday, September 10

You know guys.. i feeling so touched now.. so relieved..glad to see the nicks of the SLs whom are in my contact list. And just now while cass was trying to relate to me her side of story for the camp, was so happy to hear them. I know all of you have benefited a lot from this camp. Without her telling me the wonderful things that happened, just by looking at the nick of all of you, i can sense that this really really is the first time when all of you feel so united.. keep the spirit high guys. I am waiting to hear the different stories from each and everyone of you. It was a pity that i couldn't go through as a camper with all of you. I had indeed miss a lot.

Was having a rather mixed feeling too. Firstly was happy because i am just really happy. haha. it's good to see all you coming together.. bonds being so strong.. and that all of you actually miss the camp. It's really beyond words to describe how i feel towards the board now. At the same time, i have this sour feeling. probably because i am not in the board already. Now that the new board is established, everything will start anew again. I was very upset over the decision about the sc board and the prefectorial board merging as one. But i guess, it's not a bad move. It's in fact, a brilliant one. I sincerely hope that all of you will work together and hold on to each other well.

Guys, you have what it takes to make the future. In future, when you remember the times you have in school, don't ever forget this camp. It's through this camp, all of you really strengthened. The tears you guys had shed, the nights all of you spend talking.. it is a wonderful picture. A very good start. I know it's hard to bring out the positive feeling i have now.. really. Jia you SLs.

Heli Dont ask me why 11:52 PM

My blog is playing this song: If we hold on together. Memories flow by across my mind while listening. Memories of the first few days of school when i was introduced to this song, memories of the sec 1 orientation 2002 during the campfire, memories of the farewell party for mr lee when we sung "born to win" with him.. many others too.. Time really passes by fast that i am already sec4 this year. 4 years.. very soon i am going to leave this school. I don't know about you all, but i am sure i will miss this school badly. Sometimes we kept cursing some teachers or principals or whoever.. we curse them for implementing some things which we think are stupid. But we always have to look at different angles, i guess at the end of the day, they have our interest at heart. I guess, it's normal for us students to badmouth at some others, but i think what's more important is to understand the teacher's rationale. I don't think there's any teacher will do something evil to their students at least in xinmin. The times i have with the school, teachers, friends, how you guys help me to go through those hurdles... there are too many, far too many. There are unhappy ones, and happy ones, but i choose to remember all. Though many say to me to forget the unhappy ones, i would disagree. How can the picture be nice when there's missing bits here and there? Wounds are ugly, but when they turn into scars, you can see the beauty in it.

I specially choose this song because i love the lyrics. It's a lovely song, don't you agree? Was thinking of presenting this song with a guitar to the student leaders yesterday, but i guess i have not master it well and there isn't any slot for me to do so anyway. So, i decided, this song is for all who visits my blog. While listening, probably scroll down at those messages i have below.. and let your memories just flow pass ur mind. Happy listening.

To Fey: Was glad that we went out yesterday, though not the whole group was present, i was very happy. Some of us hadn't been going often so there's some kind of awkwardness. We try to get items that would only belong to our group, you know bags, rings.. etc. To me these aren't important, what's important would be that, we would stay together as long as we can.. till the day i last see the sunrise.. till the day i last see the sunset.. but i guess this are just some sort of fantasy we always dream of.. so i wish, if let say we aren't able to be as a group for so long, just wish that when we are older, the memories still stay in our mind. The song goes out to you guys too. =)

To the student leaders: Camp is finally over. How are all of you feeling? I hope this would be a brand new start for all of you. Hope that through the camp itself, the bonds and unity within the student leaders have strengthened, and you guys are more courageous to take up even new challenges than before. I hope that whatever that comes your way, face the tides bravely and the island is getting nearer. When you feel left out, the only solution is to get involved. Remember what i say, "We are one big family."

To mianbao: Read your blog almost everyday. Sort of analyse that when you're typing those entries, your mood wasn't good. Your latest entry. time flies fast without us knowing. You're right. Cherish whoever and whatever that's granted to us. Often in life we say that, but it's only when the person or something is gone, then we realised their importance. But then again, it's pretty pointless to constantly search back the past when it's already written. Once a while, you look back but you have to carry on with life. Bid goodbye to the past to construct the future. Play your life with anticipation. If you are given a choice to be happy or sad, choose happy. If you're not given a choice, then make the best out of it. =)

To cass: Just one line i think it will clear whatever doubts of me in your thought. I will be your jie today, tomorrow, forever. Forever. =)

To bam: You posted something in my comments before. Though it's gone, but i still remember them. Here's my reply(to some):

I won't set my goals by what other people deem important, instead i will set what's best for me.

I won't take for granted the things closest to my heart, instead i will cling on them tight, coz without them, life will be meaningless for me.

I won't be afraid to encounter risks, instead i will learn now to be brave when i take those chances.

Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way. Thanks bam. =)

To my classmates and all sec4s : Guys, hols here. Time to play, play real hard. Time to study, study real hard. I guess, go and play and create havoc till you think you should. I mean, teachers advice us the no. of days for us to relax and have fun, but to me i think, if you can get your soul back to study after playing for more than 3 days, why not? O levels in about 50 days plus.. got to be serious in our work and really work hard for it. Very soon all of going to go separate ways, sounds quite sad huh? Just cherish the times when we study together, when we are together.. And also if our prelims results are bad.. take them as motivation. If it's good, then take it as a good start. I believe, the destiny is in our hands. All the best guys.

To Heis: I know my objective for going down all the way to west mall the other day. That's because i thought you were alone and probably needed some people to be around. Well, i learnt that you hide alot. And that very day, i kept analysing you and your character if you have notice, i think you are the brave one after all. But like what my friends had said to me before, a person can be brave, but will be weak at times. Hm.. you take things in your stride which is good. Anyway, if there's any other thing i can help, feel free to ask from me.

Heli Dont ask me why 2:29 PM

Monday, September 8

Protector

The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla

True huh.

Heli Dont ask me why 7:11 PM

Sunday, September 7

Tired. Wanted to go to sleep but force myself to type something here. SLs having their camp now. But because of some people, couldn't attend. So ridiculous. Shan't talk about that. Then went to church again today.Today's service was rather good. Have a lady from overseas who's rather humorous to preach us. I was trying to stay awake and listen to what she has to say. Lots of people went up for the altar call today. Felt that they are somehow fortunate and then was feeling sour rather that i am not there. And again, i have my own reasons. Wondered when will my turn come..

Then was feeling very weak today too. No strength, no energy. Every steps i took to reach home was really heavy and tiring. It's been a long time since i felt so weak. Went home and slept for 4 hrs. Woke up, still drowsy. Time to take care of myself.

Heli Dont ask me why 10:20 PM

Saturday, September 6

Tired. I am losing my way once again. Find myself wandering about this strange place. The more i walked, the deeper i felt. I am afraid of loneliness. Yet i would still prefer to be alone. I don't like to do things alone. Yet i don't want people to interfere in my life. I don't want you to care, yet i badly want you to say something comforting to me.

I stare at the path ahead of me. The sun shone brightly in the sky, making the path visible for me. The path is long, i can't see the end. All of you seems to have travelled so far that i can't see your back. The waves have calmed down. Time for me to carry on with my journey. I feel lonely. I am lonely.

Heli Dont ask me why 1:02 AM

Friday, September 5

wow.. finally come out with another blog.. arh.. lost the old template. (suggest to everyone to save a copy of their template in the com in case the template suddenly disappear...) Spent about 2 hrs doing it. Cannot blame, i am not a computer whiz.. so will take a long time. So how's the new blog? haha.. still black arh.. can't imagine i use other bright colours.. i think black fits me most. However there are still some error here and there.. like the comment box. Very sad.. all the past comments gone. Some comments very meaningful le.. hai.. stupid enetation. Anyway, hope you like the new blog now la. Better than the past i hope. Ah.. go sign guestbook!! hehe.. resign and comment again. haha.. hope to see my guestbook overflowing again! edios~!

Heli Dont ask me why 4:58 PM

Thursday, September 4

Saw the group of SLs in the ava room this afternoon. Meeting for the camp i guess. Anyway, rather glad to see all of them working together (i hope). Wanted to join you guys, but stopped by your instructor. Anyway, think i am BAN from helping. Got prelims to study anyway. Hm.. hope to join you guys for the camp. It's gonna be a brand new start for all of you ba. =)

Heli Dont ask me why 12:39 AM

Tuesday, September 2

haha.. people.. this is gonna be the first few times or maybe first time you ever see a rather happy kind of entry in my blog. Don't know why and i don't think there should be any reason, but i am just feeling so happy now. Really. Suddenly i just feel like smiling... smiling away... haha... and then i think its really so good to be happy. Now that i am happy, i can't imagine those times when i go around with a sore heart.. putting on a black face. haha...

I understand that happiness only last for a short while and that sadness normally dwells longer. But i think its a cycle ba. Only when you undergo sadness for a period of time, you will know how to cherish when the happy season come. So when you are sad, and you don't know how to console or comfort yourself, tell yourself that the happy season will come. And when you are happy, really do cherish it and try to let it last longer. It's a good feeling. It's the same. When the rain comes, it means that the rainbow will appear too. =)

haha.. shock ar? my entry sounds so happy. But then when i am happy, people will have their doubts on me le. Ask "hey.. you okay a not?" wow.. like being happy is an offence ar.. haha.. no lah.. i don't blame you. I also have doubts on myself too. Sometimes when i am happy, i will question myself too if i am truly happy, or just biao mian shan happy.. meaning on appearance. Hm.. don't want to talk further.. skly end up to be another sad entry. haha.. lols. So good day to everyone!

If you are feeling down because of something be it studies or work.. hm.. try whispering to yourself something.. like.. "hm.. wo yao kai xing..zhen de yao kai xin.." and then you take in a deep breath.. woo hoo.. sometimes.. it works ba. haha.. try it. you never know. ;)

Heli Dont ask me why 8:28 PM

Monday, September 1

Sometimes people are jealous just by looking at photos of others. Jealous because they are not in the photo. Jealous because of the simle on their face. Jealous because of the happiness whirling around them.

Question: Why do they feel this way?

Guess these people falls in the category of people whereby they felt that they lack of people's love, care and concern. Actually, if you do feel this at times, then i guess one of the person in the photo means a lot to you. I guess human beings are like this. We tend to focus on certain people in our lifes and neglect the others. But open your eyes just a little wider and be more flexible in your mind. There are a lot of other people who are right beside you waiting to shower you with love. There would probably be a lot of people lining up for their turns to care for you. But when the person whom you wish ain there, you would ignore the rest. Isn't that tragedy? And when this people whom you admired or respect so much say some nice things to you, you feel as if you are on top of the world.. isn't it.. ironic??

You should start telling yourself, that this world is so wide, so big. There are so many billions of people out there. Sometimes you do so many things just to make them happy and get their attention. At the end of the day when they show little appreciation, you feel rejected. You are not going to wait for these few of people. Really. Life is so long. Way to go. =)

Heli Dont ask me why 11:22 PM

About 62 days left to my 'O' levels. I have decided to work extremely hard for it. Can forget about the first three months le. I think might fail english, even if don't fail, my L1R5 will exceed 20. Like what some seniors said, the prelim results are very demoralising. True. But i hope and will summon the strength to face it bravely. What's the use of crying over spilled milk? I don't want to end up going nowhere for the next 2 years. No regrets.

And to the rest.. be it having whatever exams, study hard okay? Although this phrase "you reap what you sow" doesn't always apply, but at least you tried right? Its always better that not trying and then you regret later on.. I guess this society has changed. In the past, a cert is very important. And now, everyone has a cert, and if you don't have, you can jolly well say bye to your future. I mean, not that you won't get a job, but when those that have a cert can't find a job, do you think you can?

Studying is not everything. Not many people will like studying anyway. And sometimes you question yourself what's the use of learning sin cos tan... no idea. But then, all of us have to go through this pathway. And the good thing is that, you are not alone. Many others are going through with you. I am also one of them. So don't be afraid. A test fail doesn't mean the next test will fail again. Look at some examples around you. (i have one in mind le.) There are people who try and try.. but they kept failing. But when they passed, you really can see the joy in their eyes. And then some of you will start thinking, "then why others can score without studying?" Good question. You have to face reality. Some of us are born with more intelligence. But so what. If you achieve bad results, nobody is going to scold you for having low intelligence. Right?

Take studying as a race. There are a lot others running with you. When you fall, don't be afraid to stand up again. There are people willing to give you a hand to pull you up. And when your friends fall, stretch your hands and lift them up as well. It's through all these support you give to one another that will help survive through this race. Some of you are studying for the sake of studying. Since you have to study, why not make it a more meaningful one? Don't run because you have to. Run because you want to complete the race as soon as possible. Don't think that the race is very long.. bear in mind that, each day you are getting closer to it.

I don't know how many will bother to read till the end. I know my post is always long.. sad.. anyway, i just feel like writing these out. I know its lengthy.. and i don't know how many of you would visit my blog.. but.. read if you want.. =/

Heli Dont ask me why 10:22 AM

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